i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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