im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
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