The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
