U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
