The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
