: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
