If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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