It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
