he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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