I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
