you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
