We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He did a backflip because drugs
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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