Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
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