i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
