I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
