hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
