This girl is more easily done than said...
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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