You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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