We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
