It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
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