lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
