Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
