I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
