she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
should my penis look like a turkey
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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