I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
