What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i barfeds in our rink
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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