I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
