oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
