I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
