i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize