so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
