How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
