Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
