can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
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