I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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