i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
