i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
