You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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