i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
We left the knife in your bed.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
