Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Randomize
