Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
