glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
