I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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