he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I don't deserve a penis
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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