I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
So much rum. So many feels.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
