I'd wear matching sweaters with you
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
