I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
