I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
