You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
