I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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