We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
