Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize