I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
