oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
