Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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