We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
the raccoons are back...
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