How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
