That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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