4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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