I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
