We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
