her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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