Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
How's work?
Spinning.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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