There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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