The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
