respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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