I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
