i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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